oneliners

What should a woman say to a man she’s just had sex with? Whatever she wants. He’s sleeping.

How do you make the number 1 disappear? Add a “g” to it and it’s “gone”

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho ho ho.

Blind Hookers eh? You’ve got to hand it to them.

Actual Newspaper Headline: Kids Make Great Snacks For Teachers.

“Madame,” said the psychiatrist, “you haven’t got a complex; you ARE inferior.”

Join the fight against brutality.

What’s an innunedo? An Italian hemorrhoid prepareation. What do you call a good looking girl on the campus of Clemson University? A visitor. Iraq, a good place to take a shiite. New rules for poker in Los Angeles — four clubs beat a king. Why are all dumb blonde jokes oneliners? So men can understand…

An elderly couple was attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, ‘I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do? He replies, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’

Cinfuscious says : It is nice to meet a woman in the park but is better to park meat in a woman.

Team has no “I” in it, but it does have a “M” and “E” in it, making “me”.