oneliners

Why is it better to be killed by a shark than by a lawyer? Answer: The shark would be brief.

What does a horny ghost say to scare people? BOO…BS!

Mary had a little lamb, fries and a coke.

A gay pornstar doesn’t take as many balls to the face as my 4 year old son playing soccer.

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyjoke to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. Sam Goldwyn.

I wonder who came up with the company People’s Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

Why is it hard for dalmatians to play hide-and-seek? Because they’re always spotted!

Q. Why are families like chocolate? A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

if stealing kids is kidnapping,is stealing adults oldnapping?

Why is it that there are so many more horses’ asses than there are horses? – G. Gordon Liddy

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Q: What do mice say when they see the moon?? A: “Ooh, Cheese!”