oneliners

From a brunette’s point of view: Blondes may have more fun but hey, at least we can read!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

1. On a mall child’s cart bag Do not put child in bag (Who does?) 2. On food court restaurant counters Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?) 3a. Bush on war in Iraq “We’re not going to have any casualties.” (Where are we now, huh?) 3b. Bush’s description of the White House…

Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

No matter what happens, there is always somejoke who knew that it would.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

What do you call a black priest? Holy Crap!

Did you know that 61.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot?

“No one dies a virgin, life screws us all!”

You might be a teacher if you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the way he/she is,” after meeting the parents.

The bumper sticker of a proud parent read: MY SON WAS INMATE OF THE MONTH

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.