oneliners

What’s the difference between two yards? A. Usually a fence.

If it wasn’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.

What do you call a holy man that fries potatoes? A chipmonk

Scanning for viruses…Windows95 found…Please delete.

A man who digs? Doug! A man who doesn’t dig? Douglas! A woman with a cat on her head? Kitty!

You’re like school on Saturday… NO CLASS!

If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.

The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to…to…uhh…

I used to be schizophrenic, but now we’re just fine

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.