oneliners

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Magazine Bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.

The computer, the greatest invention in life even though it’s bad for you.

Q. Who likes to make dinner for Peter Pan? A. Captain Cook!

What do you get when a dinosuar stubs its toe? A: Stubasaurus

Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is Bobs neighbor.

The law of drunkenness- You can’t fall off the floor.

Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. – If they have…

Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.

What’s a bigamist? A heavy fog in Naples!

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.” Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life…