oneliners

Women like silent men – they think they’re listening.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

What’s the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity.

What did one tradesman say to another? I hope you have a “barter” day tomorrow.

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? If the weather man says “it’s a 50% chance of rain” does that mean he has no idea if its going to…

The Egyptologist sneezed: Hapshepsut!

Courdory pillows–they’re making headlines.

Why is marriage so much like a tornado? At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

What you call a man with no arms and no legs at a work-out place? Jim What you call a man with no arms and no legs at your door? Matt What you call a man with no arms and no legs in your bathroom? John What you call a man with no arms and…

The Lazy Boy, by Yu Doit

A guy walks into a bar wearing a pair of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey buddy, don’t try to start anything…”