oneliners

Anyjoke can win. Unless, of course, there happens to be a second entry.

Politically correct word for dead: Living Impaired

Change is inevitable… except from vending machines.

A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two tired.

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can’t get my wife to go swimming!

Q. How do you keep a jack ass in suspense? A. I`ll tell you tomorrow.

What do fish paint with? Water colours!

There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

The similarity of all the people that live is that they are alive and they are living.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.