oneliners

I’m such an insomniac, the sheep fall asleep before I do.

Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money.

Good morning is a contradiction in terms.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Anyjoke can win. Unless, of course, there happens to be a second entry.

Politically correct word for dead: Living Impaired

Change is inevitable… except from vending machines.

A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two tired.

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can’t get my wife to go swimming!

Q. How do you keep a jack ass in suspense? A. I`ll tell you tomorrow.

What do fish paint with? Water colours!

There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.