oneliners

Practice safe eating …Always use condiments.

I passed my ethics exam. Naturally, I cheated.

Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

“You certainly look cool.” “Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.”

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

Why can’t a gypsy man walk right? Because he has crystal balls!

What do you give the person who has everything? A box to keep it all in.

Why am I stronger than Tarzan? Because I can beat on my chest without screaming.

Just when you find something you really like, they stop making it.

What do you call a group of Jew baritones and sopranos singing? Soap opera.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. – Abraham Lincoln.

My uncle is very superstitious. He won’t work any week that has a Friday in it.