oneliners

I found this attached to a halloween scythe: BE SURE HEAD IS ATTACHED BEFORE USE.

A teacher is telling her class she has two words that will not be allowed to use. Teacher: There are two words which I will never let you use. One is gross and the other is cool. Student: So what are the words?

Known fact amongst all men: Having sex can help combat asthma and hay fever, now we need to inform all women!

All believers in telekinesis raise my hand!

“Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.” — Will Rogers, Humorist

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists? A. They have shaky hands!

Q.Where do tough chickens come from? A.Hard boiled eggs!

True bravery is arriving home late after a boy’s night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?

If you fall down a bottomless pit… do you eventually die of starvation?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?

Who eats cereal and plays golf? Tony the Tiger Woods.