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You Know You’re Addicted to Caffeine When… 1.) You haven’t slept since the Clinton Administration. 2.) Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth. 3.) Instead of Tic Tacs, you suck on Vivarin. 4.) You plan to name your twins “Cappuccino” and “Espresso.” 5.) On the way to work…

A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining site at a campground. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. Impressed, a nearby camper sauntered…

zebra: 25 sizes bigger than an ‘A’ bra

Q: What kind of soup do dogs like? A: Chicken Poodle! ___________________________________________ Q: Why DIDN’T the skeleton cross the road? A: Because he didn’t have the guts! ___________________________________________ Q: What’s purple and makes you burp? A: BELCH’S Grape Juice!

A man walked into a café and he said, “Could I have a breakfast”. The cafe owner said, “Certainly, sir”. He said, “But could you do it my way”. The owner says, “What’s your way”. He says, “I want a fried egg that’s been over-cooked so it’s got a rubbery texture so I can bounce…

Dating process : 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose? Back from Work: 6 weeks : Honey, I’m home. 6 months : BACK!! 6 years :…

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a…

alarm clock, n. a device for waking up people who don’t have small children

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. “Bloomingdales!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Bloomingdales?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a…

These are actual signs found around the world… =================================== A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O’Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands. At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment. At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send…

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What happens if you get scared halfway to death twice? If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If you write a book about failure, and it doesn’t sell, is…

Can you decipher this phrase? ONALLE All in one!