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A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, “How much is the…

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please Lord,” he implored, “let it be blood!”

Ever wonder why your ears are where they are? Just think, if they were on your butt, you would have to pull down your pants to hear what I’m saying –REDD FOXX

Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree. Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls. Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples. Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of…

A kid was at school when his male teacher was passing out alot of homework. The teacher was named bob. Mr. Bob said ”no help from your mom”. The kid named josh ask ”why can’t we have help from are mom ”.Mr.bob replied ” your mom probally be very busy tonight so I will call…

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s Not Unusual.”

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, “Chief, is this coming winter going to be mild or cold?” Not really knowing an answer, and knowing it was better to err on the side of caution, the chief replied, “It is uncertain at this time, but we should begin to prepare just in case. Collect wood…

What was the last thing that Abraham Lincoln did? He died.

If at first u dont suceed Fuck the world and smoke some weed

Class was starting, and the teacher was taking attendance. She noticed that two of her top students were missing. Right after that, Billy came in. She asks him, “Why are you late?” He replies, “I was just on top of Blueberry Hill.” The teacher tells him to sit. A few minutes later Timmy comes in.…

A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied. “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.” “Well,…