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Q. How do you say “Give me liberty or give me death!” in French? A. I give up.

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nojoke loves me … the whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up…

A Newfie goes to Toronto to seek his fortune, and after a couple of years is doing very well for himself. His brother calls from Newfoundland to tell him their father is very ill and probably won’t survive. “Well, if he dies I’ll pay for the funeral; the best of everything, spare no expense, just…

WARNING: if your answer “yes” to any of these questions then you know that you are weird and you believe too much in dragons. Ocasionally when you see a bird do you find yourself saying “O merlin hand me my mighty sword so I can slay this foul dragon”? Do you find yourself trying to…

The King sent for his wise men all To find a rhyme for W. When they had thought for a time, But could not think of a single rhyme, “I’m sorry,” he said,” To trouble you.”

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give…

A parachute used once, but has never been open!

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.” So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over…

Always keep several “get well” cards on the mantle. That way, if unexpected guests arrive they will think you have been sick and unable to clean.

Questions that have Confused humankind!! Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?” Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there….I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.” Why do toasters always…

See if you can find the hidden image in the group of characters below. It takes some concentration, but it’s worth it. Don’t cheat by scrolling down before you look at it. Have fun! You’ll be surprised when you see what it is… {{{{{{{===**++++*****+++++++++++????????/// //////////%\ @@@@@444+=+=****&^”””””}}}|||||||]]] xxxxxxxx>>xxxxxxxx ~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~ ====||\/////////*****{}{}{} %%%%%%%%%%%% $$$&&$$&$$===~|~|~|~|====++ Most people find it…

Here are some excuses if someone asks you to do something with them… I’d love to but… People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War. I’d love to but… I changed the lock on my door and now I can’t get out. I’d love to but… I’m making a home movie called “The Thing That…