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Chuck Norris Facts: 17
in JokesChuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion. Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. Chuck Norris once shat blood – the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. Maslow’s theory of higher needs…
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Recent Quips From Late Night
in Jokes“We’re still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week — all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she’s not there for cease-fire. No, she’s there for ‘sustainable cease-fire,’ which considering…
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
in JokesI cannot see, I cannot pee; I cannot chew, I cannot screw; Oh, my God, what can I do? My memory shrinks, My hearing stinks, No sense of smell – I look like hell My mood is bad – can you tell? My joke’s drooping, Have trouble pooping; The Golden Years have come at last…
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82 Kg – With Glasses
in JokesIn the hospital, a nurse is asking an old man what is his weight. The man is unsure about his weight so the nurse suggests that it is better if he check his weight now. He goes to the weighing scale and stands on it, then he goes back to the nurse. The nurse let…
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Quotes Over The Years II
in JokesAge 27 – I’ve learned that I should never praise my mother’s cooking when I’m eating something fixed by my wife. Age 30 – I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 31 – I’ve learned that nothing really bad happens when you tear those little “do not…
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Arithmetic Test
in Jokes1960’s arithmetic test: A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths of that amount. What is his profit? 1970’s new-math test: A logger exchanges a set (L) of lumber for a set (M) of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. The set C…
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Hit and Run
in JokesA man has returned to his car after coming out of a local shopping centre and notices that his rear bumper is completely bashed in and the back half of his car is severely crushed. He goes to the front to see if there’s any damage there and finds a note on the windshield. Relieved…