others

Bob: Did you get the tickets? Fred: What tickets? Bob: To the Gun Show! Well, let’s see now, I think they’re both pretty good, but…this one has it!

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he’s falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down.…

Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a well-known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new expression RESPONDEZ S’IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you’re Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIPI, VICI: I came, I’m a very…

PHYSICS: John Moonstone and the late Thomas Parnell of the University of Ohio, for patiently conducting an experiment that began in the year 1925 — in which a glob of congealed black tar has been slowly, dripping through a funnel, at a rate of approximately one drop every nine years. LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of…

Man 1: “I was on the television last night.” Man 2: “Were you really?” Man 1: “Yeah. When I’m drunk I’ll sleep anywhere.”

Diplomacy: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

When White man found this land, Indians were running it. No Taxes… No Debt… Plenty Buffalo… Plenty beaver! Women did most (all) of the work. Medicine Man free! Indian men hunted and fished all the time! Only White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. “Say, is this really a healthy place?” “It sure is,” the man replied. “When I first arrived here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I…

What kind of key can’t open a door.

A man goes into a sportwear shop, and when a pretty blonde assistant asks him what he wants, he goes red in the face and stammers, “A packet of condoms, please.” The assistant says, “This is a sportwear shop, we don’t sell condoms!” and the man leaves. Two days later, he’s back. “A packet of…

Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was “Uh oh.”

In my holiday to one Asian country, I happened to make a friendship with a local guy while I was drinking a softdrink Fanta. He speaks broken English, but I can fairly understand him. I offered him a softdrink, to that he choose Coco Cola. The guy was showing some postcard of Mountains to me.…