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In the words of Albert Einstien “There are two things infinite; the universe and human stupidity,” if this doesn’t prove one of them, I am not sure what will. (Oh, and let me tell you, this doesn’t prove anything about the universe) 1. On a blanket from Taiwan – NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION…

Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother’s Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ. Hall blamed the maiming on…

Melvin checked out a book from the library because the title read “How to Hug”. It turned out to be volume 7 of the encyclopedia.

Chucky wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks … but nothing happened. Chucky decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president. The president was so amused by…

Q: What is the difference between a plate and a booger? A: The plate is on the table, but the booger is under the table. Q: What is the difference between a prince and a booger? A: The prince is the heir to the throne, but the booger is thrown to the air.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of…

What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me I’m going in!

Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, a crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostles. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes to the front of…

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees…

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. “Howdy, stranger…” “Howdy, Sheriff…” The cowboy then moved slowly to…

You know you’ve had too much coffee when… You can type sixty words a minute with your feet Instant coffee takes too long You chew on other people’s fingernails You answer the door, before people knock You sleep with your eyes open You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the…

1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police. 2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to…