others

A guy was smoking a cigarette. Another guy comes up to him and asks, “Do you have an extra cigarette?” The first guy looks at the box and reads that it contains 20 cigarettes. He counts all the cigarettes in his box and says,”Nope, don’t got any extra cigarettes”.

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow…

Jack and Jill went down the hill.

Good: You & Your wife decide not to have kids. Bad: Your wife can’t find the birth control pills Ugly: You daughter borrowed them.

Can you go skinny dippin’ if you’re fat? Is it possible to fight on a luv seat? If you drink tap water can you tap dance? by:lilpapa92

Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes…

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t belong.” 9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your…

did u have a pussy around ur head?

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks “Have you got the time?” Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. “It’s a quarter to six,” he says. “Hey, that’s a pretty fancy watch!” exclaims the stranger.…

AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented All Un-informed Drivers Insulted All Unnecessary Devices Installed BMW Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE Dumb Old…

Schizophrenia – Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder – We Three Kings Disoriented Are. Dementia – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas. Narcissistic – Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me. Manic – Deck The Halls and Walls and Houses and Lawns and Streets and Stores and Offices and Towns and…

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks? A: They have 5 gears…4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they’re attacked from behind!