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1) Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3) And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5) Avoid cliches like the plague. 6) Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7) Be more or less specific. 8) Parenthetical remarks…

Blood Circulation A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the boys said. “Then why is…

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier…

Big Bad Wolf: The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, “unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits.” “Fuck off,” she replied as she tugged down her panties. “Eat me, like the fuckin’ book says.” Pinocchio: Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. “Every time we make…

When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?” Mom…

Q: How many Newfie farmers does it take to milk a cow? A: 5…One to hold the utter and four to lift the cow up and down, up and down.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris…

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and everyone elses’ stinks.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris? A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs Benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?” The waiter…

What did the mother match say to the baby match? Don’t scratch your head.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. James Cameron wanted Chuck…