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Some useless inventions: 1) A waterproof teabag 2) A swimsuit store in the North Pole 3) Sugar free, fat free, taste free chocolate 4) A parachute that opens on impact 5) An ejector seat in a helicopter

What did the popsicle say to the lollypop as he was leaving? So long, sucker!

Here are some actual town’s names: 1.) Two Egg, a town in Florida, was named for a system of barter used in the area after the Civil War, when two eggs were regularly traded for a bag of tobacco or sugar. 2.) Ed and Uz are the shortest place names in the United States. Both…

This guy couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so he called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” said a cheery salesperson. “And what about Salt Lake City?” “We have a really great rate to Salt Lake – $99.00, but there is a stopover.” “Where?”…

An Ontario coupling were on vacation, driving around the province of Nova Scotia. At noon, they arrived at the town of Tatamagouche. The two began to bicker about the pronunication of the town’s name. The husband suggested that they stop for lunch and ask. At the restaurant, they placed their order. The wife asks, “Excuse…

A boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, “What is your name young man?” The boy replied,” Michael Gay.” The teacher said,” Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?” The boy said, “Michael Gay!” The teacher said,” That’s ENOUGH young man. Go to…

One morning, Pete and Sally decided to go out for breakfast. The waitress at The Almond Tree told them that the special that morning was two eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and toast for $3.99. “That sounds good,” said Sally, “but I don’t want the eggs.” “OK,” said the waitress, “but I will then have…

A gang of counterfeiters get a new extremely expensive printing machine, and at great expense, buy some plates, which they were assured were 99.9% perfect. They buy a large consignment of paper which also was virtually identical to the real paper. Gleefully, they switch on the machine and print a few off. They were delighted…

1. Say “Darn, officer you must have been going fast to catch up with me.” 2. When he approaches you, look at his gut and say, “Hmmm, I thought officers were supposed to be physically fit.” 3. Sway and ask if his bulletproof vest protects him from projectile vomiting. 4. Lie on the ground and…

You know something is wrong with today’s educational system when you figure out that of the three R’s, reading, writing, and arithmetic, only one actually starts with an R.

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. “Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Goldstein, “My private part died today, and I am very sad.” Knowing her patients were forgetful…

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked: “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?” The English woman looked…