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Tarzan swings through the air Tarzan loses his underwear Tarzan says “Me no care, Jane make me another pair.” Boy swings through the air Boy loses his underwear Boy says “Me no care, Jane make me another pair.” Cheetah swings through the air Cheetah loses his underwear Cheetah says “Me no care, Jane make me…

1) When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, officer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?” 2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my…

Funny Signs: Tailor’s Shop: Ladys have fits upstairs. Restaurant: People who find the waitresses rude ought to see the manager. Restaurant: We serve people like you as good food! Mall: The lift is being fixed today. We regret that for the next 24 hours you will be unbearable. Muffler Store: No appointment necessary, we will…

Some times when the soap bar in the shower is small enough I like to swipe it thru my butt crack and say ” beep! credit card accepted”

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! What are the feathers on a turkey’s wings called? Turkey feathers. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes – a building can’t jump at all. Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.…

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here’s a…

Jack: Why did you name your pig Paris Hilton? Jill: She’s always trying to hog up all the attention.

I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas’ chaotic traffic. I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly and was told, “In some countries they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here we drive in the shade.”

A girl named Melissa was having a birthday party with her friends. One of her friends gives her this most annoying, screaming and loud singing bird as a funny gift. Melissa’s dad says “We are not keeping that bird, you know that, right?” Melissa says, “Please, it’s so cute. I’ll put it in my room.”…

LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don’t you get a job? BEGGAR- Actually, I’m an author. I once wrote a book entitled “One Hundred Ways to Make Money.” LADY- Well then why are you begging? BEGGAR- It’s one of my ways…

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not. 2) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 3) If you are blonde and pretty, it…

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap the “Whopper”!!!