others

My bus driver for my school is always trying to say that he’s a gangster. But no one ever believes him so the other day I confronted him. So I asked, “are you really a gangster”? He sweated nervously, shaking and then he finally answered “of course I am I’m from the West Side”. I…

MONDAY: BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “Jr burgers”. Y’know those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents? Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and…

Man says to his girlfriend You’re the only woman on this planet I won’t. Oh by the way, I’m taken a trip to Mars next week.

A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when “poof” a genie appeared. This…

Using the BrainTracker grid below, how many words can you find? Each word must contain the central W and no letter can be used twice, however, the letters do not have to be connected. Proper nouns are not allowed, however, plurals are. There is at least one nine letter word. Excellent: 23 words. Good: 18…

In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3am one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He…

knock knock, who’s there animal animal who? animal i kin git lots of stuff iffn i have ta money

This is a fun way to irritate your friends and family on your answering machine! On your answering machine – “Hello?” pause, “What’s up?” pause again, “Oh, well you must feel pretty stupid right now because you’re talking to my answering machine! So leave a message!” Beep.

A cannibal went to a brain store one day because he was craving brains. he decided he wanted to try a musician’s brains to see if they taste any different. He looked around and saw the prices. Trumpet Brains-$25.00/pound Trombone Brains-$1.00/pound Percussion Brains- 10.00/pound Tuba Brains-$0.50/pound Colorguard Brains-$0.25/pound Clairinet Brains-$1000.00/pound Flute Brains-$0.50/pound So the cannibal…

“And will there be anything else, sir?” the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. “No, thank you,” the gentleman replied. “That will be all.” As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “Anything for your wife?” he asked. “Yeah! That’s a good idea,”…

“They misunderestimate me.” -Nov. 6, 2000 “Rarely is the question asked: Is out children learning?” -Jan. 11, 2000 “I aim to be a competitive nation.” -April 21, 2006

You Know You’re a Pothead When… You think the song “Truckin’” by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You…