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Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence Faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species. Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding. Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world. Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.

A college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!” The…

– Only in America can a pizza guy get to your door faster than an ambulance. – Why do slow-down and slow-up mean the same thing? – Why are wise man and wise guy opposites? – Why is it that when stuff goes on a truck it’s called a shipment and on a boat it’s…

1. And now, the taste test. 2. Are we supposed to heat that? 3. And now a little bit from this… 4. … and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was my mineral water? 8.…

A man walked into a stockbroker’s office and said to the receptionist, “I just won the lottery, and I want to open an account with your %**!&%*! company.” Heads turned in shock at hearing the man’s language. “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow that kind of talk here,” the receptionist said. “You’ll have to leave.”…

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursdays at 7:30 to 8:30, Please use the back door. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

G: Jokes rated G are acceptable for everyone. No bad language and no violence or sexual references are in these jokes. PG: These jokes are suitable for most children. Mild violence or language may appear in these jokes. PG13: These jokes may contain some bad language or violence. Some mild sexual content may also appear…

These are my pet peeves in no particular order. 1. People who insult my friends. You trash talk my friends you can’t hang around me it is that simple. 2. You are talking on a cell phone not a boombox, so pick a RING not a SONG! 3. Read my rant on Darkness. It’s on…

Sharon and her friend Kitty, two little elderly ladies, are out for a drive in a large Mercedes with Kitty driving and Sharon in the front passenger seat. After a few minutes, they come to some traffic lights but although the lights are clearly at red, the car just continues across the intersection. Sharon says…

Bill and Tim are out one day test driving cars. They happen to pull up to the same stop light side by side. Bill yells out his window, “HEY TIM, Corvette?” Tim yells back “YUP THIS IS A CORVETTE” Tim yells again “HEY BILL, Audi?” Bill jumps out of his car pulls up his shirt,…

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? A. Nojoke knows. It’s never been tried.

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