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Insurance Form Statements… Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary…

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together, and have the time of our lives!

I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

Now I lay me down to sleep With the boy across the street Won’t my mommy be surprised When my tummy starts to rise Won’t my daddy be disgusted When he finds my cherry’s busted.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you think. 4. Watch more TV. You’ve been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. 6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more. 7. Get in a whole NEW rut! 8. Spend your summer vacation…

Enter this old elementary school story onto your calculator fun a cheap laugh – the numbers or signs that you should enter are in quotes. Once upon a time, there was an old lady who was “69” years old. She had always thought that her boobs were “222” (too too too) big. So she went…

The Pope, the smartest man in the world, a father, and a son were in a plane that was going to crash. There were only three parachutes in the plane. The Pope says to them, “I need a parachute because I am worshiped by many people of religion.” So he takes a parachute and jumps.…

Cathy was looking through the window of a clothes store when she spotted a pair of short-shorts. “Wow, these pants are half off!” she told her uncle. Her uncle said “They should be, they are only a half pair of pants.”

Why is it called a soap opera when nojoke sings? Can a unborn baby fart or burp? If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness? Why don’t they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn’t it be better than root beer…

What did Puffy say when Ben asked him about J-LO ? “Take that, take that”

What type of saw cuts the sea? A see-saw.

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