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There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die….. 1. To be shot 2. To be hung 3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death The German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” Boom, he was…

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel? A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you. Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens. Punch the joke and tell people that he hit you first. Tell the widow that you’re the deceased’s gay lover. Ask someone to take a…

It was my first vacation out of my home country – I was going to Australia. It was also going to be my first time on a plane, so I got a nice, large, purple bag with one of the long, pull-out handles and wheels on the bottom so you can pull it around. It…

1. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 2. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?” 3. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage!” 4. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”. 5. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo!” 6. Insist that before ordering, you…

An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal… Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a close by man, “Can you help me point my penis?” The man reluctantly accepted but decided not to look at the man’s penis. After a few seconds…

Q: How do you get free tickets to a concert fast? A: Bring a gun to the box-office.

162 = worst score in golf.

What does the hot dog say after winning a race? I’m a WIENER!!!

Q: What’s a cannibal? A: ǝןdoǝd ɥʇıʍ dn pǝɟ s,oɥʍ uosɹǝd ɐ

Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?…

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME…