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A phone rings at KGB headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this the KGB?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his fire wood.” “This will be noted.” The next day, the KGB goons visit Rabinovitz’s house. They search…

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. “Have you eaten your banana yet?” Ole asked excitedly “No,” replied Lars. “Vell, don’t touch it den,” Ole exclaimed. “I yust took vun bite…

Martin had just received his brand new driver’s license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get…

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “Two Prostitutes — $50.00.” A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.” One…

Always on the look-out for a bargain, I was dining out and came across a menu entree “T-Bone* $4.25”. I inquired of the waiter how they could sell a dinner at that price. He advised me to check the bottom of the menu. Next to the “*” was “with meat, $14.95”

Marigold, I’m sorry. I hacked into xizle’s account ’cause I’m a stupid mother fuckin’ piece of shit!!

Apparently safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a roof four stories in the air! On June 20, 2007 at 5 AM a 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road by a passing cabbie. Brent Tyler and Chelsey Tubleston were unconscious with obvious injuries…

I have a machine which has four cog wheels in constant mesh. The largest cog has 72 teeth and the others have 36, 25 and 15 respectively. How many revolutions must the largest cog make before each of the cogs is back in its starting position? 25 revolutions.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street café watching the crowd. Across the street, they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later, they reappeared, with a third person. “They have multiplied,” said the biologist. “Oh no, it’s an error in measurement,” the physicist replied. “If…

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man…

What starts with an E, ends with an E and usually contains only one letter? ENVELOPE!

15 Steps to Build a campfire. 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments. 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers(including those embedded in hand). 6. Light match. 7. Light match. 8. Repeat “a scout is cheerful,” and…