others

A man was about to die, so he went to a black magic store to get a voodoo dick. The man at the store said, “It works. Anything you tell it to go to, it goes. So your wife can just say, ‘Voodoo dick, my pussy.’” The man buys it and gives it to his…

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. 2. Get some hair. Disperse it around…

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?” The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that…

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no…

Users to accumulate 5,000 points are rewarded with having no advertisements shown to them on this website. You can also get icons that appear next to your name once you have achieved certain goals. Awards are described on the icon page. You can get to the icon page by clicking an icon next to someone’s…

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here’s a listing of some of the lessor known ones… The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia …….. U. Gogh The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh The cousin who was a blues musician- Indi-Gogh The fruity brother- Man-Gogh The sister who wore a…

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?” The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I…

1 When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. 2 Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky. 3 Never trade luck for skill. 4 The three most common expressions…

Let’s face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore…

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. Say “Wouldn’t you like to know?” every time someone asks you a question. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…” 5. If you have a glass eye,…

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.…

His death won’t be listed under “Obituaries,” it will be under “Neighborhood Improvements.”