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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olive and placing it in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, “what was that all…

A boy was trying to impress his mum on his new bike. He was going down the path and said to his mum, “Look, mum, no feet!” He then put his feet back on the bike and removed his hands from the handlebars. He then shouted, “Look, mum, no hands!” He then lost control of…

Age 6 – I’ve learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more. Age 8 – I’ve learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose. Age 10 – I’ve learned that you should never jump out…

2 old ladies are at the bus stop waiting for a bus when it starts to rain. Not wanting to lose her cigarette, one of the old ladies took a condom and a pair of scissors out of her purse, snipped off the end of the condom and slid it over her cigarette. The 2nd…

Not to be confused with the Daily Joke Newsletter, a subscription to a joke means that it will appear on your “View Subscriptions” page. This allows you to keep up-to-date on the conversation/comments of your favorite jokes. To subscribe, click the checkbox at the bottom of the comment box on the joke page. You can…

1. Chuck Norris beat the brick wall in tennis. 2. The boogy man does not wait for chuck norris, Chuck Norris waits for the boogy man.

Ben and Zero are talking when Ben says, “Hey, Zero, if you can tear this piece of paper in half, I’ll give you a quarter.” Zero then proceeds to tear the paper in half. Ben takes one of the halves, tears it in half, and gives it to Zero, saying, “Here’s your quarter!” Zero wanders…

The American Dairy Association was so successful with its “Got Milk?” campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was “Are you lactating?” Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.” Colgate introduced a toothpaste called “Cue” in France, but…

1. Aquariums + Gratitude = FISH THANKS! 2. Orange Bear + A Ghost = WINNIE THE BOO! 3. Saint Nick + A Grizzly Bear = Santa Claws! 4. Skunk + Kangaroo = STINK-A-ROO!

Dad: Son what is the difference a penis and a loaf of bread? Son: I don’t know. Dad: Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.

A man’s mother-in-law moves in with him. About two weeks later, he comes home and discovers her lying on the floor of the living room. He calls 911 and they send the ambulance over, and the ambulance rushes the woman to the hospital. The man is pacing the waiting room. A doctor finally comes out…

A good friend will say: “I love you!” (In a sarcastic tone) A best friend will say: “I love you, you f***in’ b****!”