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So … the other day, my friends and I went to this “Ladies Night Club.” One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The “dancer” came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek. Not to be outdone, another friend…

8 dumb headlines! Can you figure out what they are trying to say? 1. Subway Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -New York times 2. Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun 3. Low Wages Said Key To Poverty -Newsday 4. Malls Try To Atract Shoppers- Baltimore Sun 5. Official: Only Rain…

Three men, a Scotsman, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were given a sentence of life inprisonment for manslauter in Saudi Arabia. When they got to the trial the judge said, “It is my daughter’s birthday, so you will only be lashed 100 times.” They went to the whipman and he said, “Today is my birthday,…

How do you leave a message on this thing? I can’t understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this… YOW! You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We…

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his…

“Hey,” says Jim, “this match won’t light!” “Strange,” says Ned,. “It worked okay this morning.”

A woman went in for a breast exam. The doctor said, “Have a seat. I have to numb your breasts first.” The woman said, “Okay.” So the doctor put his face between her breasts and said, “Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb.”

“Ahhhh…” “Mike! What’s wrong?” “I-I had a nightmare.” “What was the nightmare?” “I-I-” “Yes?” “I-I-” “Spit it out!” “I-I went to heaven.”

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” “That’s the same…

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it. 2. All the numbers in your little black book start with “1-900.” 3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club. 4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell…

Chris and his friend Johnathan are standing outside of school one day. Johnathan finds Chris wearing his hair black and slicked down, with a purple stripe, with mascara and nail polish and a Korn t-shirt. Johnathan: So, Chris, what’s with the new outfit? Chris: I’m Emo. Johnathan: You are not Emo. Chris: Yeah I am,…

Viola jokes are jokes usually insulting violas and violists, since they are, generally speaking, the most unpopular instruments. Please forgive me if you are a violist, but truly, there are just some good ones out there. 😛 Q: What is the difference between a viola and an onion? A: No one cries when you cut…