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I like to sleep, and stay in bed, all because you cracked a hammer on my head.

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American management decided…

Ok Umm Uhh, Ahhh! Oh well, I just forgot what I was gonna say. Man I’m stupid

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” -Poor Bear

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run…

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck, there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the…

A business man was driving along when he spotted a hippie thumbing for a ride. He stopped to pick him up. The hippie sat in the front of the car, bopping and snapping his fingers to some beat in his head. The business man approached a stop sign and couldn’t see clearly to his right,…

Maybe it’s true that life begins at 40. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

1. You yell and scream for help, and when it comes you ask for the remote. 2. It is a workout to play high intensity video games. 3. You decide to be a republican because you bought a truck with a republican sticker on it. 4. You sell your step-brother’s stuff on e-bay for video…

·Money is not everything. There’s Mastercard & Visa. ·One should love animals. They are so tasty. ·Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. ·Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ·Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ·The wise never…

Reasons why high school english teachers retire early. Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays: 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without…

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about; Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”?…