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One day in the 1800’s a father asked his child to go get some nuts and berries. She went around and got nuts and berries from every boy she knew. When she showed her dad he said, “That’s not what I meant!”

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,…

Nicholaas (toe 4) het by sy ouma gaan kuier, en ouma het dit goed gedink om hom bietjie groentes te leer eet wat sy ma nie graag gaar maak nie. Die spesifieke dag is broccoli aan die beurt, en ouma versin die oulikste stories oor die boompies wat hy gaan proe. Hy begin ewe entosiasties…

Q> What kind of soup do gay Chinese men like? A> Cream of sum yun guy

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and…

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers.…

Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the richter scale. Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Chuck Norris.” Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels. For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical…

A man was fishing. After a while another angler came to join him. “Have you had any bites?” asked the second man. “Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”

Larry: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great Fall? Mary: Because he had a bad summer.

…I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. …I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. …I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. …I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury…

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn’t stop, he just slowed down a little. The gentleman said “Stop or slow down, what’s the difference?” The…

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Keep scrolling down! Not far now! Keep going! Solve this problem while you wait for the answer to pop up. 6! Not enough? Solve this! (Pi)! The answer will pop up shortly… Whoops, there was a mistake. Go back to the 2nd line.