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Did you hear about the football game with the 0-0 score? Never mind, it’s pointless.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed. “Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna you for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa, I really don’t like guns, … how about leaving me your Rolex watch…

In Midtown Manhattan a police officer arrives at the scene of what appears to be a bad accident. A pedestrian is lying in the crosswalk. The driver of the car under suspicion says, “I swear I didn’t touch him! I saw him at the crosswalk, I came to a complete stop, motioned for him to…

Okay, so. King Arthur is in a heated battle with another king. Now, Arthur has all of his best men in battle, but unfortunatly, he loses. Because kings don’t really kill other kings, the king agrees to let Arthur go, if he answers one question. The king asks Arther to find out what a woman…

An actual sign outside a house: The dog is okay. Beware of the owner

As I always say, “REAL men don’t shave below the neck.” Well, unless they are a joke builder, I guess you have to show it off. Then again, it might be good for a boxer to be more slippery so punches have less “stick” or whatever. Yea, I guess it’s the same with kick boxers.…

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.” “Wow. Two…

“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. “If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will…

W a t e r 1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.) 2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. 3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism as much as 3%. 4. One glass of water…

Great Chicken Recipe: When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for those who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out. Give this a try. Baked Stuffed Chicken 2-3 kg chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing 1 cup uncooked popcorn salt &…

My friend is a rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week’s vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was properly equipped, but didn’t quite know how to…

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often…