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Why are New Yorkers always depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

The following diet has been circulated at one of the local clinics. Some may find it stimulating. BREAKFAST: ——— 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz skim milk LUNCH: —— 4 oz lean Broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo Cookie Herb tea MID-AFTERNOON SNACK: ——- Rest of package of Oreos…

Note: Most of these will only work in middle or high school. 1. When the bell rings, run out the classroom and when the hall is crowded, yell “MARCO!” See who answers. 2. If you’re in biology doing a lab, drop some water into a beaker and then duck under your desk screaming “IT’S GONNA…

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs. each, Turner Brown.” The small guy just faints dead away and falls…

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches down, pulls out a knife, and lunges at the man. The man backs away and yells “WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?” “Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore…

1.) Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. 2.) A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. 3.) Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. 4.) For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 5.)…

A Cautionary Tale It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then – just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone – “to relax,” I told myself – but I knew it…

How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You’ll never know because when you turn on the light, they scatter!

Q: What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One drunk Irishman

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somejoke. Who, is no business Of yours. Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880’s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore Four slugs from a .44…

A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn. A farmer, who lived nearby, heard the noise and yelled to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles and come in for a visit. I’ll help you pick the wagon up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but Pa wouldn’t like me to.” “Aw,…

Russian Roulette, by Hugo First