others

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned…

* This is a good reminder, for all of us. You can never read this too many times!! 1. Tip from police: The elbow is the strongest point on your joke. If you are close enough, USE IT! 2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss…

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the Emcee that he desired a question on American History. The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk…

The sheriff of a small western town was also the town veterinarian. Late one night the phone rang, and his wife answered it. “Is your husband there?” asked an agitated voice. “Do you require my husband’s services as a sheriff or as a veterinarian?” She asked. “Both,” came the reply. “We can’t get our dog’s…

“CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she’s strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.” – Jay Leno

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.” The…

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn’t ask the price for. 3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll…

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, “Deepest Condolences,” and…

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl. When she awakens, several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children. The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is “How are my children?” “Fine” says the doctor, your brother…

There were three midgets. Each one wanted to win a world record. The first midget went in to the place for world records and said I want to see if I have the worlds smallest hands. He came happy and said i got the record. So the second one goes in and says I want…

I had been dating this really cool guy for like 2 weeks, and we finally went out. We saw “the RING” and i was totally freaked, and I had ordered a HUGE pop, and drunk it all. Anyway, we were really snuggling tight,like our legs were wrapped around each other, and such. Of course, I…

You are in a car travelling at a constant speed. On your left is a valley, and on your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car, and you can’t overtake it. Behind you is…