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Two criminals are talking in a jail cell. “What are you in for?” “Something I did NOT do!” “Sooo… you’re innocent? What did you not do?” “I DIDN’T run fast enough!”

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered. “Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.” “What’s a Midnight Special?” “A triple decker with…

There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back of the barn where he gave her a … Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs And told she had the most wonderful … Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he wanted to take in his … Washing…

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! Chuck Norris don’t open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the…

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!” Another one said, “How do you know?” The first inmate said, “God told me!” Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!”

Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced…

Honk if you’ve never seen an Uzi fired from a car window. If you can read this, my wife fell off! (Seen on the back of a biker’s vest.) If you can beat me, you can eat me! (Seen on a Corvette driven by a “drop-dead gorgeous blonde.”) Remember: Stop lights timed for 35mph are…

Let’s test your IQ…………. 1. man ———– board Ans. man overboard 2. stand ———– i I understand ok?….get the drift? Let’s try a few now & see how you fare. 3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/ Reading between the lines 4. r road a d Crossroad 5. cycle cycle cycle Tricycle 6. t o w n Downtown 7. le…

1. You are not a superman. 　　你不是超人。 　　2. If it’s stupid but works，it isn’t stupid. 　　如果一个蠢方法有效，那它就不是一个蠢方法。 　　3.Don’t look conspicuous-it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers are called”Bomb Magnets”.) 　　不要太显眼，因为那会引人攻击。（这就是航空母舰被称为”炸弹磁铁”的原因。） 　　4. When in doubt，empty your magazine. 　　有问题时，清空你的弹匣。 　5. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are. 　　别和比你勇敢的战友躲在同一个弹坑里。 　6. Never forget that your weapon…

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to a Texan on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored…

*Do You Love As Good As You Look? *Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life *Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure *Here’s A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares *How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away? *Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral *I…

“Excuse me, is this tuna dolphin-friendly?” “Dolphin-friendly? He was only best man at Flipper’s wedding!”