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Here’s a good trick to try on people… Say to them: “I’m going to ask you two questions. one you have to answer yes, the other you have to answer no. 1st question: Are you stupid?

What can you break without saying its’ name? Silence…Shhh!

Make sure you are in a public place with a lot of people around. Sniff the air a couple of times (make sure it is loud sniffs). Turn to you wife and say in a loud voice “Hey honey did you fart?!”.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your…

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be. The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After…

“Dad, can I have the car keys?” “Ok, but don’t lose them. We will get the car in just seven years!”

“Psst, c’mere,” said the shifty-eyed man, wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street, into a damp dark alley. I followed. “What are you selling?” I asked. “Geometrical algebra drugs.” “Huh!?” “Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…” “Stop right there,” I interrupted. “I’ve never…

Your face is so ugly, we’re going to war over it.

Sven & Ole, a couple of Norwegians now living in Minnesota, head for the fair in Duluth. The first thing to catch Sven’s eye is the big double Ferris wheel. “Oh, Ole,” he says, “vould you look at dat. I’ve always vanted to go on von of dose big Ferris veels. Let’s go ride on…

Mom was cleaning the house when she found her son’s hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines. Naturally, she was very upset and she didn’t know what to do. So, she waited until her husband got home to discuss it with him. After she showed him the magazines, she asked him, “Well, what are…

Two English guys were in the middle of the scorching desert with no food or water. They both decide to stop and have a rest in the sand. Then one guy has a genius idea. The guy says, “I support Liverpool football team, so I’ll eat the liver of my camel!” The second guys says,…

Two kids were sitting at a lunch table. One was quite a joke-teller, so he started telling a joke he had heard. “There are three types of people in this world,” he said, “those who can count and those who can’t.” The other kid said, “But what about the other type of person?” “There is…