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Why did Humpty dumpty go to the shrink? Cause he was half cracked.

1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!” 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.” 4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.…

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. “One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Chuck Norris! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in…

Q: What device lets you see through a wall? A: Window

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here’s how… An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator…

Q: Why is good to be French? A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!” “I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad. “You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.” “What are you talking about? That’s one…

Some fun things to do the next time you’re on one of those long international flights to kill time… Pinch the stewardess’ butt as she passes. When two people kiss in the in flight movie, belch real loud. When there’s any nudity, hoot really loudly for a few minutes. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking…

It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant. “Surely that’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.”

A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced the unit as follows: Basic Cow $ 999.95 Shipping and Handling 35.75 Extra Stomach 79.25 Two-tone Exterior 142.10 Produce Storage Compartment 128.50 Heavy…

Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s day? A. Regular Rocks are too heavy!

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just…