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1. Look before you leap He who hesitates is lost 2. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again Don’t beat your head against a brick wall 3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder Out of sight, out of mind 4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today Don’t cross the…

Once, there were three young men named Poop, Manners and Shutup, and one day they were riding their bikes when Poop fell off his bike, so Manners went to help Poop, while Shutup went to the police. When Shutup arrived at the police station, he said, “Quick! My friend fell off his bike!” So the…

The Cynic’s Guide to Life The journey of a thousand miles begins with a squeaking fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and… Follow your dream. Unless it’s the…

I AM WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE I AM YELLING IN YOUR HEAD AND I LIKE THE IDEA OF YELLING IN YOUR HEAD. IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL!!!

These are some real people’s names, and what they grew up to be. They are all true: 1.) Iccolo Miccolo played the piccolo for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra. 2.) H.M. Balmer was a funeral director in Fort Collins, Colorado. 3.) Miss Birdie Snyder married C. Canary and became Birdie Canary. 4.) Perhaps it was…

A cop pulled over two drunks, and asked to the first, “What’s your name and address?” “I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.” The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.”

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. “They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe. “It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”