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How do you confuse an Irishman? Line 4 shovels up against a wall and tell him to take his pick.

HAPPINESS IS . . . Infantry: A good rifle Cavalry: A big tank Artillery: A loud boom UPON HEARING FIREWORKS Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise Cavalry: Not loud enough Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks? OTHER TRADES Infantry: Waste of rations Cavalry: Waste of rations Artillery: Waste of rations IDEA OF FUN Infantry: Not…

“Look at ME!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!” He…

1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won’t come down until your demands are met. 2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren’t doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today. 3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4. Sit in the baby pool…

Ivan, an experienced parachutist with 800 jumps under his belt, was videotaping a private lesson given by an instructor for a single trainee. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction, and the supporting power supply and recorder were in a heavy satchel slung…

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. In the medical community, death is referred to as “Chuck Norris Disease” Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. If you work in an office with…

– Don’t assume the telephone calls are coming from another house. – When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. – Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. – Don’t go into the basement to check the power when the lights…

My friend works in a post office. One day, a man handed ten postcards to my friend and ask her to put them in the mailbox. She noticed that they had all been addressed but none of them contained a message, so she asked the man why the postcards nothing written on them. The man…

I’ll get a world record for this. It’s fireproof. He’s probably just hibernating. I’m making a citizen’s arrest. So, you’re a cannibal. Are you sure the power is off? Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? I’ve seen this done on TV. These are the good kind of mushrooms.…

Batman once wrote on the wall, “Superman is a wimp.” The next day, Superman wrote “Batman is Bruce Wayne.”

In the depths of the countryside there lived a farmer who took care of baby animals. The farm was very peaceful until one day the farmer’s pig was murdered. Now the farmer took this incident very seriously, so he started an investigation. Unfortunately, the only witness the farmer had to this murder was his pet…

Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies. Honecker: “I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation.” Mielke: “Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation.”