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Bob: I’m going to go ride my spaceship. Jack: What’s a spaceship? Bob: Dunno, I’ll go invent it.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son.

BE SURE THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM. One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk…

My mom’s favorite joke, played on some radio station. ORIGINAL JOKE: Johnny- Mother, can I have another piece of cake? Mother- Yes, you may have more cake, but if you do, you’ll explode! Well, Johnny ate another piece of cake and sure enough, he exploded. RIDDLE: What sits next to mother, eats cake and explodes?…

What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common? They’re both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes…

We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first…

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everyjoke. 2. Dictate – My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and…

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen were waiting. “Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsches?” he asks. The Englishmen just stare at him. “M’excusez-vous, parlez-vous français ?” They continue to stare. “Lo scusate, parlate italiano?” No response. “¿Me excusa, usted habla español?” Still nothing. The Swiss man drives off…

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. “That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!” “You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in…

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed that a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near…

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. “Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?” said the first gal. “Could you pass me the honey, honey?” said the second. “Could you pass me the bacon, pig?” said the third.