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One day the goverment desided to see how we get along with other countries so they took an american, a frechman and a chinese guy and put them on an island for a year. They tell the american that he is in charge of building. They tell the frenchman that he is in charge of…

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed. 2. All Polar Bears are left-handed. 3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar Bear. 1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles. 2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles. 3. Work stuffs up your eyesight.…

“Now, as we don’t have enough parachutes for all of us…” “Of course that’s not a mountain in front…isn’t it?” “That’s not meant to happen!” “What dy’a mean were not meant to be going to Iraq?” Things you don’t want to see on an aeroplane: Fire engines and ambulances surounding the runway when you come…

Arachnoleptic Fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone…

When one wishes to unlock a door but only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von fumbles law) A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale law of destiny) When ones hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to…

Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. “Who is that man?” a passenger asked the ship’s captain. “Why is he so upset?” “I have no idea,” the Captain replied, “but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy.”

1) pretendyoudontknowwhatthespacebaris 2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people 3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel 4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS 5) 1337 5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis 6) Waste peoples’ time. 7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of…

An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, “Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?” “Digging a hole,” said Patrick. “What’s wrong with the hole next to it?” said his neighbour. “That one wasn’t deep enough,” said Patrick.

1. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator 2. Where to Find the Toys in the Oven 3. 101 Games to Play in the Road 4. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork 5. Your Nightmares are Real 6. Monsters Killed Grandpa 7. All Guns Squirt Water 8. How Fun it is…

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let’s see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen…

Officer: “And you still insist you’re innocent, in spite of the fact that we have six witnesses to the crime ?” Offender: “If it’s witnesses you want, I can produce seventy people who didn’t see me steal the stuff.”

Teacher: Jimmy, use the word “handsome” in a sentence. Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya? Teacher: No, no, that’s not right. You have one more chance. Use the word “gladiator” in a sentence. Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I’m gladiator.