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In Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. Pope Died In Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married (again) 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again) 3. Australia lost the Ashes (again) 4. Pope Died (again) Moral of the story – In future, if…

Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings.” The second boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose.” The third boy said, “Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt.” The first and second boys where…

You know how occasionally you’ll have people over, and they won’t shut up and they whole visit is getting a little tedious? Or you’ll be talking to this incredibly boring person who is too sensitive to tell to go away? Well, here is a solution to that boring-person-who-just-will-not-leave-you-alone. 1. Close your eyes and lean your…

You know you live in California when… 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. 5.…

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!!!………………………….. its funny cause the robot doesnt have any legs

Brothers Mike and Seamus O’Malley are the two richest men in town, and also the two meanest, foulest bad guys for many miles around. They would cheat and swindle anyone that they could. One day Seamus dies, and Mike goes to the priest. “Father,” he says, “my good name will be upheld in this town.…

A woman in a cafe had ordered turtle soup, but changed her mind and asked for pea soup instead. She heard the waiter call, “Hold the turtle, make it pea!” At the next table, a man ordered the fish, but when the waiter brought it, he was holding the fish on the plate. When asked…

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the…

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting…

Idiot #1 Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son’s Boy Scout meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog’s ability, the dog found a bag of grass in her purse. Idiot #2 A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it.…

If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late? The letters ‘UVWXYZ’ because they all come after ‘T’.

How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!