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Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, “Good Morning, Mr. Crow.” Mr. Crow shouted back down, “Good Morning Mr. Turtle.” Mr. Turtle shouted up, “Whatcha doin’ today?” and the answer shouted back down was, “Absolutely nothin’ Mr. Turtle –…

An old Native American wanted a loan of $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewelry to city and sell it,” said the old man. “What have you got for collateral?” queried the banker, going strictly by the…

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw…

An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old-fashioned. I wouldn’t be surprised if this tree gave you less than twenty pounds of apples.” “Wouldn’t surprise me, either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree.”

There’s a lovely young woman in New Zealand who is getting her house redecorated. She is walking around the house with the builder, telling him what colors she is thinking of painting the walls. They go firstly into the dining room, and she says that she’d like it painted a nice lilac color. The builder…

Farmer John was taking his cow and it’s newborn calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John’s clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however, left the newborn…

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the…

The first typewriter was called the “literary piano.” Frogs can’t swallow with their eyes open. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo. August has the highest percentage of births.

Two Stasi agents are on a surveillance mission and quite bored. First agent: “Hey, what are you thinking about?” Second agent: “Oh, nothing special. The same as you…” First agent: “In that case, you’re under arrest!”

1. George Washington isn’t the first president. He was the first elected president. 2. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. 3. It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidently planted by squirrels who bury nuts and forget where they hid them. 4. Ernest Vincent…

HWAYETRDETIPZLHV OMNLTESOSHSUZEAE 32. Reading one letter from the top row and then one from the bottom row, the puzzle reads: ‘How many letters does this puzzle have’.

man having problems with premature ejaculation, went to the doctor to see what to do about it.doctor said try startling your self if you feel the urge to ejaculate.on the way home he buys a starter pistol. the guy excited to try the new idea, went home and was suprised to find his wife in…