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Three men are sitting next to a dead guy. The first one can only say, “Yup! Yup! Yup!” The second one can say, “Forks and Knives. Forks and knives.” Finally, the third one can say, “Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!” A cop comes by and asks the first one if he killed the man.…

There was once, Mr. Maggi mee was walking along the streets and noticed Mr. Meatball just a few metres ahead of him. He then went up, gave Mr. Meatball a good beating and left. Mr. Meatball, not wanting to take this insult, gathered all his meatball friends and arranged to meet outside Mr. Maggi mee’s…

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered . . . 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.…

A man was screaming into his phone saying “Can you hear me now?”. Annoyed, a CIA offical said “Yes, we can hear you now!”

Do you know what “Never say Never” sounds like ? its like your teacher at your classroom screaming at you and saying “don’t say fuck in class!” Justin Bieber’s mother often tells his friends stories of when he was little. The stories are from a few months ago. Who’s that girl singing? Oh…Wait…Thats justin beiber…

How do you make one disappear? Add the letter g, to make it GONE!

A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read, “I am perfectly well.” A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel – collect – on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had…

Three hunters, Chuck, Thomas and Mick, are on safari. Unfortunately they are captured by cannibals, who start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal chief tells them they can each have one last wish. “What’s your last request?” he asks Chuck, an American. “I’d like a steak,” he replies, so the cannibals kill a wildebeeste…

Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is…

I always find myself arguing with my sister over who got up earliest in the morning. It’s ridiculous. I have to remind myself that I really don’t care. Usually this is what happens… (sister walks into the room) Her: Hey. What time did you get up this morning? Me: Um…around 9:00. Her: Oh. I woke…

1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter 2. Log off: Don’t add no more wood 3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove 4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck 5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to much firewood 6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood 7.…

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man replied, “I was afraid that you would find the $200…