others

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I’m not sure how long that cop car will stay lost. 9. There ain’t nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara’s will be okay too. 8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I…

1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese. 2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap. 3. Sing “I think your tractor’s sexy” 4. If you’re in a drive-through, say, “Man, I think you’re ugly.” 5. Keep changing your order for over an hour. 6. When you pull up to the window, try…

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of…

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somejoke-or-other had printed it. “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first…

There was a man who went to buy some guns. The salesman at the store asked what he wanted to shoot. He said, “Cans” So the salesman asked, “What kind of cans?” “Ameri-cans, Afri-cans,,,,”

Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners: Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn’t get it. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining…

Ms. Suzy had a steam boat, the steam boat had a bell! The steam boat went to heaven, Ms. Suzy went to… Hello operator, please give me number nine! And if you disconnect me, I’ll chop off your… Behind the frigerator, there was a piece of glass! Ms. Suzy sat upon it, and broke her…

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everyjoke had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However, one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. “Why did you do that?” the soldier was asked by his superior officer. “I know where he lives,” came the reply, “and he wouldn’t have made it.”

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to…

Procrastinators meeting tomorrow.

To get your Star Wars name, do the following: 1) Start with the 1st 3 letters of your last name 2) Add the first two letters of your first name 3) Add the first two letters of your mother’s maiden name 4) Add the first two letters of the city in which you were born…

Announcer, at a diving competition: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have both good and bad news to announce. The good news is that the dive just performed was fantastic and the judges have managed to give it a full score of ten. The bad news is… there was no water in the pool.”