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1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, I didn’t realize that my radar detector wasn’t on. 3. Aren’t you the guy from the village people? 4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me. 5. I thought you had to be in good physical…

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named “LOVE.” It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said…

Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. Note that this crossword puzzle contains abbreviations and acronyms. S O _ Clue: An insult related to a female animal. Answer: Sow.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL – 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOG 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1993 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 COWS, NEVER BRED… ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.…

201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic’s distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC). 202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker…

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords…

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would…

The Pope, a hippie, and George Bush were all on a plane that was crashing. The pilots had already jumped to safety and there were only two parachutes left. Without a moment’s hesitation, Bush grabbed a pack, yelled “I’m the most powerful man in the universe! I have to survive!”, and jumped from the plane.…

A police man arrested a MBA marketing girl…. GIRL: I’M not involved in sex COP:Then what are you doing? GIRL: I am selling condoms and offering a free a trial

“Why do you keep reading the Bible every day?” the teenage girl asked her grandfather. “Well, it’s a bit like cramming for your final exam,” said Granddad.

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. “In 1942,” he says, “the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember,” he continues, “one day I was protecting our bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. At…

Former Vice President Dan Quayle says that if you take out the profanity, the TV show “The Osbounes” is about good family values. You take out the profanity, and “The Osbournes” is about 30 seconds long.