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Q: Imagine you are stuck in a cell, no windows, no doors pretty much nothing. How do you get out? A: -Stop imagining!-

As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

Q:Why can peter pan fly? A:Because if you got hit in the peter with a pan you’d fly too.

A teacher is writing a problem on the blackboard when she turns around and says, “If you are stupid, please stand up.” After a while, a student stands up and says,”I really don’t think I’m stupid, but I feel bad for you standing there by yourself.”

Why did the frog cross the road? A: He was tied onto the chicken.

The other day, I bought a packet of air. I was surprised to find a few potato chips inside it. -Dedicated to Lays

What do you say to a person who says that they are going to tell on you? You say: Too late, I already told.

Once there was this Australian guy, an English guy, and an American guy. They all went into a furniture store to by a chair that played music when you sat on it (aka musical chair). The next day the Australian guy comes back and says he wants to return the chair. When the clerk asks…

The Godfather was dying. He summoned one of his godsons and said softly, “Mikey, before I go, I gotta ask one favor.” “Yes, godfather, anything,” said Mikey. “I worship you.” The old man’s eyes narrowed. “I want you to go to my bathroom and masturbate.” The lad looked around uneasily. “I dunno, boss. That’s kinda…

Why is the letter E like London? Because it is the Capital of England

ON MODERNISM How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. THOUGHTS ON METAPHYSICS Deja Vu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you’ve been kicked in the head like this before. ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day…

What do Micheal Jackson and a PS2 have in common? They’re both plastic, can be black or white and can be turned on by children.