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When one wishes to unlock a door but only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von fumbles law) A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale law of destiny) When ones hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to…

Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. “Who is that man?” a passenger asked the ship’s captain. “Why is he so upset?” “I have no idea,” the Captain replied, “but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy.”

1) pretendyoudontknowwhatthespacebaris 2) no caps or puncuation at all seriously it really annoys people 3) Abb. or shorten evry othr wrd it wrks rly wel 4) UsE cApS oN aNd OfF lIkE tHiS 5) 1337 5) maik rly stoopid spelng mistaiks liek dis 6) Waste peoples’ time. 7) Feing lost of tyops (Feign lots of…

An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, “Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?” “Digging a hole,” said Patrick. “What’s wrong with the hole next to it?” said his neighbour. “That one wasn’t deep enough,” said Patrick.

1. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator 2. Where to Find the Toys in the Oven 3. 101 Games to Play in the Road 4. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blowdryer, and a Fork 5. Your Nightmares are Real 6. Monsters Killed Grandpa 7. All Guns Squirt Water 8. How Fun it is…

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit suicide. Let’s see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate Parties, No Home Depot. No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even frozen…

Officer: “And you still insist you’re innocent, in spite of the fact that we have six witnesses to the crime ?” Offender: “If it’s witnesses you want, I can produce seventy people who didn’t see me steal the stuff.”

Teacher: Jimmy, use the word “handsome” in a sentence. Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya? Teacher: No, no, that’s not right. You have one more chance. Use the word “gladiator” in a sentence. Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I’m gladiator.

In Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe 3. Australia lost the Ashes 4. Pope Died In Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married (again) 2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again) 3. Australia lost the Ashes (again) 4. Pope Died (again) Moral of the story – In future, if…

Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings.” The second boy said, “My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose.” The third boy said, “Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt.” The first and second boys where…

You know how occasionally you’ll have people over, and they won’t shut up and they whole visit is getting a little tedious? Or you’ll be talking to this incredibly boring person who is too sensitive to tell to go away? Well, here is a solution to that boring-person-who-just-will-not-leave-you-alone. 1. Close your eyes and lean your…

You know you live in California when… 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house. 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone. 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 4. You know how to eat an artichoke. 5.…