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Hillary Clinton noticed that she was unusually hungry, having stomache pains, and hasn’t had her period for 2 months. She decides to go a doctor to get checked out. The doctor returns with the diagnosis that she is indeed pregnant. As you can imagine, the first thing she did was call her husband, Bill Clinton.…

Which candles burn longer, the candles on a girl’s cake or a boy’s cake? No candles burn longer. They all burn shorter.

A quite sobered-up drunk is at Sunday mass listening to a long boring sermon. Feeling still hungover and tired, he finally nods out hoping no one will notice. The priest has been watching him all along and at the end of the sermon, decides to make an example out of him. “Who in this room…

Isn’t it fascinating how feet smell and noses run?

Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. Windex Do not spray in eyes. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although, it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.…

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn’t like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the…

How are women and a tornado alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

One night a man knocked at the doctor’s door. When the door opened – Doctor : What is the matter? The man : Doctor,a dog bit my leg. Doctor : Don’t you know that I don’t see patients after 9 pm? The man : I know that very well.Perhaps the dog was not aware of…

A man comes from a foreign country and buys a T.V. to learn some English, he turns to the first channel and it says, “I did it, I did it I’m a big kid now.” He turns to the next channel and it said, “Fork and knife, fork and knife.” He turns to one of…

During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly…

A Welshman, walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hands. He shouts, “Paid a yfed y dwr mae’r gwartheg yn cachi yn y dwr!” (Don’t drink the water, there’s cow shit in it!) The man shouts back, “I’m English, I don’t understand you!” The Welshman calls back, “Use…

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it limits. Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will…