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You’re so fat, the last time you went on a bus, the ticket read ”Please allow up to 28 days for delivery.”

Ralph was one his way home from work on night, when to his horror, he suddenly realized that he’d completely forgotten his daughter’s birthday. He rushed to the toy store and asked the manager, “How much is the barbie in the window?” “Which one?” The manager replied. “We have Workout barbie for $19.95, Malibu barbie…

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for your edification and enjoyment. Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without their middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow…

A West German businessman is driving a Mercedes through East Germany on a rainy night when his windshield wipers stop working. He takes it to an East German mechanic, who tells him there are no Mercedes windshield wiper motors in the GDR, but he will do his best to fix it. When the businessman returns…

Who is the greatest prostitute in history? Ms.Pacman For 50 cents she’ll swallow balls until she dies.

Sign at an office kitchen: After the tea break, the staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the drain-board.

Q: How do you sink a canadian submarine? A: You swim underneath it and knock on the door

In WW2 Captain Saunders was wounded in battle and captured by the Germans. He was sent to a German military hospital. On his first day in the hospital a doctor came, bearing bad news, “we have to amputate your legs.” The Captain was very sad, however he asked the doctor if his legs could be…

15 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex 1. You can GET chocolate. 2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 5. You can have chocolate even in front of your…

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and…

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor asked her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she…

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge…