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A man walks into a shop and says, “I see you don’t have any fish”, and the shop assistant replies, “You got it wrong – ours is a butcher: we don’t have any meat. They don’t have any fish in the fish shop that is across the road!”

How do the chinese get their names? Their parents kick a can down the street… ching chang chung bing….

Something to text to your friendz The police found a joke with no brain, fucked up teeth, a small dick, and a swollen asshole Just called to make sure you are okay I was worried

You know what would be odd? Some one with a deep, dark voice calls you and says, “I know what your phone number is…heh heh…”

What’s the difference between MJ and a grocery bag? One is white, made of plastic, dangerous for children to play with, and the other one holds groceries! Why does MJ like Wal-Mart? Because they have boys’ pants half off! What time is bedtime in Neverland? When the big hand touches the little hand! And now,…

I found this on a can of Juicey-Juice 100% Juice. Just add water.

Q. Why was the Gum so mad in class? A. It was Chewed Out!

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her, after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now”, she would be punished. To…

A student said to Professor Stigler: “Professor Stigler, I don’t believe I deserve this F you’ve given me.” To which Stigler replied, “I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award.”

The following is from the British paper, the Sunday Express, giving awards for dubious distinctions. Tortoise Trophy – To British Rail, which solved the problem of lateness in the Intercity express train service by redefining “on time” to include trains arriving within one hour of schedule. Rubber Cushion – To John Bloor, who mistook a…

“I started a new band called The Chimes” “What kind of band?” “Acapella Ska” “What do you play?” “Drums”

You’re a.. January- talented February- lowlife March- immature April- wild May- exciting June- weird July- selfish August- hot September- scary October- messed up November- cool December-sexy Now pick the color shirt you have on Pink- cupcake sales person Blue- hooker Red- bartender Green- Celebrity Purple- Mc Donalds worker White- slut Yellow- taxi driver Black- chef…