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There was a woman who absolutely loved the music of Billy Joel and Paul McCartney. She loved them so much she decided to have their images tattooed on her joke. She went to a tattoo parlor and told the artist she wanted Billy Joel tattooed on her left thigh, and Paul McCartney tattooed on her…

My lover and I can’t come to the phone right now but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished. Hello! You’ve reached Jim and Cathy. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Cathy likes doing it up…

What’s the difference between an HO-sausage and Sputnik? They’ve officially confirmed that Sputnik 2 had a dog in it.

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who…

It is illegal to stick coins in your ears in the state of Hawaii.

Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, “Are you a pole vaulter?” Ole said, “No, I’m Norvegian…and my name isn’t Valter.”

When Jacob was finally given an exit visa by the Russians and allowed to immigrate to Israel, he was told he could only take what he could put into one suitcase. At Moscow airport, he was stopped by customs and an official shouted, “Open your case at once.” Jacob did what he was told. The…

Here are the Top 15 excuses for if you are pulled over by a police officer for speeding, running a red light, etc. 15.) Sorry, I slipped on a banana peel… 14.) Oooohh, you’re a policeman? I thought you were just another speeder! I was trying to get away so you wouldn’t hit me! 13.)…

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and…

These are phrases found on funny T-shirts: *(camoflauge) Ha! Now you can’t see me! * He did it –> *The leprechauns are after my stash. *I do what the voices tell me to do… *Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we? *See no homework, Speak no homework, Hear no homework, DO NO HOMEWORK.…

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?” After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well, honey, God is both male and female.” This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, “Is God black or white?” “Well, God is both black and white.” This further confuses him so he…

Fred had just came back from a hiking trip, when his friend, George, asked how it was. “It was great!” said Fred, except on my way home I accidentally awoke a lion….it started chasing me….at one time he was so close, that I could feel his breath on my neck, but then he slipped!! He…