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1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to ‘share the wealth’ with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC). 2. Repeat #1, only engage in a ‘cuppy war’ with the bus driver. (For those that…

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king’s horses and all the king’s men Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity And a keyboard was on a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age And a CD was a bank account And if you had a corrupted disk It would hurt when you found out! Compress was what you…

James Bond: “My name is Bond” Continuing in his inimitable style, “……James Bond.” Then Bond asks: “And you?” Telugu Guy: “My name is Rao… Siva Rao… Samba Siva Rao… Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda…

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” “No,” the second guy says. “Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says. “Oh,” says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, “Did you see that?” “See what?” the second guy asks. “Are…

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Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, “You just put ‘Ole died.’ ” The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there…

Pat and Mick decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Pat gets called in for his interview. The boss asks Pat if he had worked underground mines before, and Pat replies, “Yes, of course I have.” The boss asks him how…

According to “The Australian,” an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

Your dad’s bald spot is so big you could draw an H on it and call it a helicopter landing pad.

Brad: Chad, how does Sherlock Holmes sneeze? Chad: A clue ! A clue!

What do you say to Mexican with a high salary? Can I have ketchup on those fries?