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During a high school break-in in Plymouth, North Carolina, two burglars found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn’t figure out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn’t loaded and left it behind. The…

Deer Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older brother…

Sign in a realtor’s office: “Lots for little.” Sign at entrance of the IRS: “Watch your step.” Sign in a bookstore: “We treat you write.” Sign on a front door: “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.” Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: “Reserved for plant manager.” Sign on…

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on irplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive…

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human joke. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer; just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “Actually, it was a civil engineer. I…

24 Signs that You’re Getting OLD ———————————————————- 1. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead. 2. Your back goes out more than you do. 3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck. 5. You are…

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices that his eyes are bulging and his ears are protruding. He becomes very concerned, so he goes to his doctor and asks him what is wrong with him. The doctor told him that he has a rare disease that will require him to take this medication…

What’s the difference between pokemon and pokewomon? poke balls

Feeling lost and adrift? Gain inner peace by learning the way of the Homer Simpson… Here are some Homeric jewels to live by: “The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of the bottle. They’re on TV. “What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to end up back here anyway.” “Trying is…

An recent Italian immigrant to New York wanted a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.” “Without numbers?” the Italian says, “Dat is easy.” And he proceeds to draw three trees. “What’s this?” the…

A young reporter was sent on his first assignment. He sent in the following report to the office – “Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her breasts.” The editor scolded the new reporter, “This is a family paper. we don’t use words like…

What’s the difference between a jailer and a jeweler? One sells watches, one watches cells!