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A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full…

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get…

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would…

The “road hog” in front of you on Main Street is a farmer’s combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it’s still there,…

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. “Pardon me, sir,” she says to the store manager, “but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?” “Well,” he replies pointing out one brand, “this is as soft as a…

There was a girl named Rachel. She had a cat named Love. One day, Rachel was taking a shower. When she got out, she yelled for her cat, Love, but saw that the cat had escaped. She was still in her towel but she walked outside anyways. A cop pulled around the corner and said,…

Pappa : jy moet nou soet wees, ek gan jou tottie afkap. Seuntjie : kan ma afkap, want sussie sin is klaar af en omgedop en dit lyk BEFOK!!

-Archimedes, you are late again. Don’t tell me that you were locked again in the bathroom. -Copernicus, when will you understand that you are not the center of the world? -Galileo, if you will drop stones from the top of the tower one more time, you will be dismissed forever. -Kepler, till when will you…

A group of drug dealers from Mexico tried transporting 6,240 pounds of marijuana to America, by hiding it in a tanker truck disguised as a gasoline truck. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas station on the side of the truck. A woman was arrested in Lake City, Florida…

There once was a captain of a ship, and every day at a certain time he would lock himself up in his cabin and look inside a mysterious black box. He did this every day, but he told nojoke what was inside the box. Then one day he died, and in his testament he gave…

Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty (Just how guilty was he?) Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty (I say, give it to him.) Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper Nor joke Found (What?) After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth (Well, this confirms what many of us have suspected about California.) Woman Improving After…

20. Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20″ long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husbands strange sex practices, and one night during a prolonged being of “fun” she snapped, pushing all 20″ of the vibrator into Alex’s anus until it ruptured several internal organs and…