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A man is walking down the beach when he comes upon a magic lamp. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The man immediately demands his three wishes. The genie first warns the man that whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law will get double. Figuring it wasnt all that bad the man thinks about…

Vermont: Lawmakers made it obligatory for everyjoke to take at least one bath each week – on Saturday night. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. Massachusetts: Mourners at a…

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, “What are you doing?” She answers, “I’m moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!” Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom…

This poem is for every guy who has a girl who wants poetry and songs devoted entirely to them 😉 ( Sung to row row row my boat ) Suck, suck, suck my cock suck my god damn cock blow it hard you fucking ‘tard suck my god damn cock! Please, if this offends you…

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning ship. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however,…

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I want to ask where the bathroom is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the whole room for the TV…

A little boy was sitting on the couch while his parents were arguing. “I don’t want your bastard family coming over for Thanksgiving.” said his mom. “Mom, what’s a bastard?” asked the little boy. “Oh, that is just your dad’s family.” she replied. “Well I don’t want those bitches you call family to come either!”…

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: “Mick! I lost my finger!” “Have you now?” says Mick. “And how did you do it?” “I just touched this big spinning thing here like this…Damn! There goes another one!”

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke’s hand. It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down….) Darth Vader: Obi Wan…

Can you decipher this phrase? E D O W N D I S Upside down!

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question, but it will make you think. It is as it reads: No one I know got the answer right—including me. The scenario…. A woman, while at the funeral of her own…

One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her “I wanna two pieces”. She say “Go to the toilet”. I say “you don’t understand,…